To my little Bro, today is such a sad day... Everyday is sad not having you here, love & miss you beyond words.. forever in my heart & thoughts 💓 xxx

always in my thoughts...

Still find it incredibly hard to accept that you are no longer here with us, it is a constant pain and a heavy feeling of deep sadness and frustration I will carry with me always. I do not think or feel I will ever be able to move forward, my heart sometimes physically hurts when I think of you... The world continues to turn and we all keep going...your baby Girl is now a beautiful young woman who misses you greatly. My greatest wish is to have you back....Love you always Sis x x x

Benn .... if only I knew that these messages reached you, it would bring me some comfort. I will always write in hope that they do. I think about you everyday..... I can't bring a childhood moment up without you being part of it, which makes me smile as we were very close. It is so true, you don't know what yo have until its gone ... not in every case but is so in the case of the loss of you ... I do miss you, I wish so many things .... I have so many regrets... people say it would have made no difference so to not have regrets ... I believe I could have ... even if I could say I did my best ... but I don't feel I did .... All I know is you were ill and the choice you made was one you considered many a time so for you it was what you felt would bring you peace.... We will never know if it was the right choice and I will never know if I could have made a difference .... maybe you gave me the chance but I missed it ...maybe that's why I am so angry with myself. I send lots of love to you and big hugs too...x x x x x x x

Our 3rd Christmas without you ..... Another year drawing to an end... Time is not yet making it easier, its still hard to comprehend .... Every day your here, in our hearts & in our minds, memories and wishes forever until our end of time xxxx

A song you and I use to sing a long to in the back of the car ....... I hope you are not alone .... Blue Moon You saw me standing alone Without a dream in my heart Without a love of my own Blue Moon You know just what I was there for You heard me saying a prayer for Someone I really could care for And then there suddenly appeared before me The only one my arms will hold I heard somebody whisper please adore me And when I looked to the Moon it turned to gold Blue Moon Now I'm no longer alone Without a dream in my heart Without a love of my own And then there suddenly appeared before me The only one my arms will ever hold I heard somebody whisper please adore me And when I looked the Moon had turned to gold Blue moon Now I'm no longer alone Without a dream in my heart Without a love of my own Blue moon Now I'm no longer alone Without a dream in my heart Without a love of my own

This week has been immense with thoughts and words that I try to make sense, the build-up to this very day the foot prints left with heart break and pain. The wishing and wanting the times of regrets, the should have done’s, the maybe’s, the why’s the threats. We go over and over in our hearts and minds, trying to get answers we are never to find. This week we lost you and in turn you lost your pain, that invisible illness had taken its toll, the frustration of life in your mind you couldn't control. We feel so sad, but we have to understand, that for you this was peace and an end to no man’s land, that you were not well and it was eating you away and you could not see an end to it or fight another day. What you left behind you could never comprehend; emptiness in our life’s and having to live knowing we will never see you again. You are my little brother and once we were so close and even though our lives took different paths and are opinions would often differ. I still loved you and had that protectiveness for you that never went away and all I ever wanted was for you to be healthy and happy and I so wish I could have done more to help you and I think this every day, and will for the rest of my life. I have so many good memories of times that we shared; I will talk about them and smile about them because in your life there were good times and I was lucky enough to have shared some of them with you. You were very special, you are my little brother, Benn Iverson. x x x x Love Helen x x x x

I so wish you had the strength to keep going .... I so wish I could have done more .... I truly believe I could have helped you Benn if I had understood more .... if you had let me understand you more. I still find it so hard to mention your name with out crumbling, I miss you so much. I put some flowers down with you the other day as I did a bloke walked by .... I only saw his side profile and the back of him but it could have been you .... I even tried to see his face .... stupid I know but how I wish it was you and this wasn't all real (I wanted to believe it was a sign from you, that you were there)... I wish with all my heart you were here.. we all need you .. Mum, Leiya ... me. I hope you hear us and are with us. Love you always Helen x x x

A beautiful day ... all that's missing is you and your cheeky smile. Missing you and wishing you were here little Brother .... you are nearing your 33rd Birthday, its so sad that you are not here, you had a whole life in front of you .... Love you forever and always in my heart x x x

My Son The hours, days, weeks and months go by a year has been and gone. My heart acke's with out you, still think you will come in for dinner, moan at you for eating your pudding first,You would be so proud of Leiya, how she has tried to cope and we talk of you, how well you swam as Leiya is now doing so well at this now and your riding, jumping over the fence the second time you had a lesson. also how you never used your brakes when riding your bike,always your shoes, car doors or walls, So many things fishing and football.Oh how I wish we could turn back time AND HAVE YOU BACK here with us, miss you so much love you always Mum xxx

Benn as the 2nd Christmas comes a round without you here, the depth of sadness and the void of you not being here is still larger than myself. I still can't believe your heart no longer beats, your face no longer smiles that we will never be able to speak again, not in this life. You will be with us around the table on Christmas day, you will be in our thoughts,in our hearts all the time .... I wish you were here.....

In Loving Memory of my Brother ... My heart still aches in sadness, my silent tears still flow. For what it meant to lose you, no one will ever know. Although you can't be here, we're truly not apart, until the final breath I take, you'll be living in my heart. Though absent you are very near, still loved and missed beyond words.

uncle cant believe its been a year already. a year since i got that dreaded phone call you never want to recieve. i remember the moment i found out i was speechless and motionless i couldnt really believe that you were gone. it has been tough at times when people dont think about what they say but i manage to keep tough coz i know that you want everyone to be happy and not dwell on the past but no one is ever gonna forget you. how can i forget my memories of you. the best one that sticks in my mind is when i was just a little boy and me and my dad were walking to meet you and you met us round the corner from yours and you had forgot something so you ran home and all the leaves were orange and brown covering the floor and you just ran threw them all. i know its not that significent to anything but it just makes me smile thinking of you running through the autumn leaves it makes me think of you being happy. and i could never forget the teddy you gave me wen i was just a lil baby. i have some very good memories of you and illnever forget them or you. your in everyones hearts for ever. your like a rock that wont budge but the good thing is no one wants you too :) foreverinmyheart imissyou.

I don’t think that you ever imagined how much pain I would be in once you were gone, Because if you had; you wouldn’t have left us. Words cannot express the amount of emotions that have come with trying to let you go. Every day has been a struggle. Its been a year and its still hard for me to grasp that your really gone. Sometimes, still, I don’t know what to do with myself. There have been days that I haven’t wanted to get out of bed, And days that if I allowed myself, I could cry and cry and cry. A year later and I still sit and stare at your pictures, Sometimes I sleep with them by my side. I miss your voice. I miss your smile, Your eyes, your touch Your smell, your phone calls And you just being around.

How do I say this And where do I start Everything hurts Especially my heart It hurts me so much That I can't see you anymore I wish I got to say my goodbyes, Before you walked in Gods door It makes me feel better You're an angel in heaven You're happy and at peace And one day see you again I miss and love you deeply And I try not to cry But I know I'll see you later So this is not my goodbye.

If only you knew the heartache we feel ..... the want to have you back ..... that time won't heel. Still questioning ourselves and thinking of you ..... how you must of felt, life it self could not pull you through. We can't turn back the clock or undo what is done ..... our lives continue yet part of us is numb .... it doesn't get easier... we try to accept ..... only taking solitude in that you are at peace and your heart at rest. Missing you so much, love you always x x x x

I Am Always With You When I am gone, release me, let me go. I have so many things to see and do, You must not tie yourself to me with too many tears, but be thankful we had so many good years. I gave you my love and you can only guess how much you've given me in happiness. I thank you for the love that you have shown, but now it is time I traveled on alone. So grieve for me a while, if grieve you must, then let your grief be comforted by trust. That it is only for a while that we must part, so treasure the memories within your heart. I won't be far away for life goes on and if you need me, call and I will come. Though you can't see or touch me, I will be near and if you listen with your heart, you'll hear all my love around you, soft and clear and then, when you come this way alone, I'll greet you with a smile and a welcome Home. x x x x

As your 32nd Birthday passed we layed your ashes to rest ..... it felt so wrong in everyway ..... I take comfort only from that you are now at peace. You will always be Benn the funny, loving & caring brother ..... I have so many memories of you and I reaching right back to our younger days .... We had so many good times, with the occassional brotherly sisterly fight lol :0). I miss you so much Benn, everyday there is a battle within my head and heart. You are a wonderful person and loved beyond words, you have touched so many people's lives.....I know I will see you again Benn but until then, you will always be here in our hearts and minds x x x x x x RIP my Brother x x x x x x

Benn 4th July 32 years old you would of been, But you wanted some peace of mind and free from hurt altough we miss you so much and our hearts ache for you.The battle you had within your self must have been so extream, nothing and no one could help you that day. You would not let us in your space to help. For the rest of my life my heart will ache for the loss of you Benn my son ...love you mum xxxxxxxxxx

I wake every morning and think of you, the day passes by and no matter where I am, what I'm doing ... I think of you ... at night I close my eyes and I'm thinking of you ... I try to understand ... time does not heal the loss of you ... I wish I could turn back time just to see you again ... I miss and love you so much Benn x x x x x

Benn ..... I wish you were here. My life has changed .... I wish you were here to see you can turn your life around and that you can find happiness. The only thing missing to make it perfect is you. Thinking of you always Helen x x x

A THOUGHT FROM BENN THE COLDEST NIGHT HERE I AM TETHERED. MY BLOOD HAS STOPPED IT'S FRANTIC RUSH MY HANDS LIE STILL AT MY SIDES, THE WIND CARESSES MY UNFEELING SKIN. MY DEPTH I COULD NOT BEAR, OTHER'S LOVE I COULD NOT BELIEVE, SO I CHOSE THIS ESCAPE AND IN MY RELEASE, I HOPE NOT FOR HAPPINESS, BUT FOR PEACE, PERHAPS I WILL BE FOUND SOON, MY SOLITUDE ENDED. I ALMOST SEE MY SELF FROM OUT SIDE MY BODY LIKE A GHOST IN THE DARKNESS. UPON MY ACTION MY MIND FREED FROM GUILT FOR MY FAMILY, FRIENDS AND FOE, FREED FROM REGRET AND PAIN. FREED FROM LIFE AND LEARNING. PERHAPS I WOULD RETRACT, FOR THE SAKE OF FIVE MINUTES PERHAPS I OUGHT .... PERHAPS THE LOSS I CAUSE WILL BE FLEETING THEN AGAIN, PERHAPS NOT. THESE WORDS ARE HOW I THINK BENN FELT IN THOSE LAST MINTUES OF HIS LIFE. SAD AS IT IS HE IS NOW FREE FROM HURT AND PAIN. MISS YOU SO MUCH MUM X

Benn...Christmas and New Year have passed...yet the pain has not changed...each day I step back in time, you should be here...you should be here with us...your family who love you so much...missing you and thinking of you always x x x

The first Christmas came with you not around I could not smile, i only frowned Snow fell deeply as i looked to the the sky All i could do is question why. A new year dawning lets hope its bright May God protect you when you sleep at night Onwards and upwards as people would say But in my Heart, my Thoughts you will be everyday. I miss you Benn god bless. Neil xxxxxxx

i always remember benn comming to call for my brother steve as we lived over the road and he used to come and stay with us at our caravan lovely lad and he will be sadly missed rip benn from julie xx

You never said I'm leaving You never said good-bye You were gone before I knew it And only God knew why. A million times we've needed you, A million times we've cried. If love alone could've saved you, You never would have died. In life we loved you dearly, In death we love you still. In our hearts you hold a place, No one else will ever fill. It broke our hearts to lose you, But you didn't go alone. Part of us went with you, The day God took you home

May your spirit soar in freedom, from the fears that gripped you so tight. May you find the peace you searched for as you wandered, lost, in the night. May your tortured mind be clear and calm and your tender heart be warm. May you have no need for strength now. May there never be another storm. May the music of the angels be the sweet sounds that you hear. As you're rocked in Heaven's cradle may you never shed another tear. I'll wear your memory proudly, My little brother...my friend. May my love for you reach Heaven above Until we meet again.

As we walk our path of life, We meet people everyday. Most are simply met by chance. But, some are sent our way. These become special friends Whose bond we can't explain; The ones who understand us And share our joy and pain. Their love contains no boundaries So, even when we are apart Their presence enhances us With a warmth felt in the heart. This love becomes a passageway, When even the miles disappear. And so, these friends, God sends our way, Remain forever near.

You asked, "How am I doing?" as I told you, tears came into my eyes.... and you looked away and quickly began to talk again. All the attention you have given me drained away. "How am I doing?" I do better when people listen, though I may shed a tear or two. This pain is indescribale. If you've never know it you cannot fully under stand Yet I need you. when you look away. When I;m ignored, I am alone with it Your attention means more than you can ever know. Really, tears are not a bad sign, you know! They're nature's way of helping me to heal..... They relive some of the strss of sadness. I know you fear that asking how I'm doing brings me sadness...but your wrong. The memory of Benn's death will always be with me. Only a thought away. My tears make my pain more visibale to you but you did not give me the pain....it was already there. When I hold back the tears, my throat grows tight, Then we both hurt.. me,because my pain is held inside, a shield against our closeness...and you, because suddenly we're distant. So please, take my hand and see me through my tears.. then we can be close again.

Well Benn, we lost contact when we were kids as you and your family moved away from the street where we both lived, If we had ever passed each other in the street I know we would have chatted as if we had only seen each other yesterday . Through facebook we managed to re connect and for that period of time we had some good conversations, But not the ones that might have kept you here with us today.... All I can say is until we meet again, Take care old friend....LILL x x

Every minute of everyday I am thinking "if only".........

WHY Was there anything,I could have done? were there two words I could have said,To make you re-think it. Family wondering WHY.? WHY would you leave something as precious as life behind!? Life is a gift, a gift from God. Why would you give it all away.? your voice of sucide still haunts me, in my sleep I hear you, but I can't see your face. your like another color turning grey,I try and touch you. But you leave this world, leaving me wondering WHY the hell would you leave me and your family alone.

You will always be in my heart and on my mind, Till the day I part from this world into the next. Hoping you'll be there waiting for us, love and miss you X X

I miss you so much but I do feel that you are at peace now, I often feel you around and that you are there for me when I need you most, as always. You will always be in my heart <3 You will never age like the rest of us, that should please you ;-p although I was looking forward to us being friends when we were old and grey like we always said we would. Miss you and love you always xxx

Look for me in Rainbows Time for me to go now, I won't say goodbye; Look for me in rainbows, way up in the sky. In the morning sunrise when all the world is new, Just look for me and love me, as you know I loved you. Time for me to leave you, I won't say goodbye; Look for me in rainbows, high up in the sky. In the evening sunset, when all the world is through, Just look for me and love me, and I'll be close to you. It won't be forever, the day will come and then My loving arms will hold you, when we meet again. Time for us to part now, we won't say goodbye; Look for me in rainbows, shining in the sky. Every waking moment, and all your whole life through Just look for me and love me, as you know I loved you. Just wish me to be near you, And I'll be there with you.

Benn was a good man, very helpful and a good painter :-). My thoughts are with his family at this time, may his suffering now be over.

To my little Brother...it has now been 4 weeks since you left us and still I can't accept your gone. I miss you so much and wish with all my heart that I could bring you back. I think of you everyday and hope that you are with us as you will forever be with me in my mind and heart. I probably never told you how much I love you, I do and will always. I hope you are resting and at peace x x x x

‘I’m Free’ Don’t grieve for me now, I’m free, I’m following the path God has laid for me. I took his hand when I heard him call, I turned my back and left it all. I could not stay another day, to laugh, to love, to work, to play. Tasks left undone must stay that way, I found that peace at the close of day. If my parting has left a void, then fill it with remembered joy, a friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss, oh yes, these things I too will miss. Be not burdened with times of sorrow, I wish for you the sunshine of tomorrow. My life’s been full, I savoured much, good friends, good times, a loved ones touch. Perhaps my time seemed all too brief, don’t lengthen it now with undue grief, lift up your hearts and share with me, God wanted me now, he set me free.

I am I and you are you, whatever we were to each other that we still are. Speak to me in the easy way which you always used. Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? Life means all that it ever meant, it is the same as it ever was.